just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
