DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
