my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
