hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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