just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were trust falling into bushes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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