He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize