if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
