you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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