Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
