gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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