Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
