i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
