Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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