I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
