update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
