she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
