We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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