The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
