so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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