Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
