I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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