You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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