I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
