Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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