He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
