Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
