i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
