she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
