Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just pee around me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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