She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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