10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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