Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
