wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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