Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
