Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
