You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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