I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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