i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
