So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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