Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i barfeds in our rink
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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