I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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