i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
