I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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