i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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