bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
