Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
