like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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