Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
