you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
