Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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