Swine flu. Run for my life!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think my vagina is haunted
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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