i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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