I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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