foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love you. Go after that dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
