I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
