drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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