rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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