where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
