i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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