just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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