Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
