If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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