i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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