It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
