I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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