apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
