Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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