bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
