dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
