That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
