I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
