Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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