if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
