Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
