Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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