think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
